No matter who you are, where you live in the world, or your profession, self-talk is a part of your life—whether you are consciously aware of it or not. Even experts in their field experience the effects of negative self-talk. So, how do we combat it?
One of the first steps in staving off negative self-talk is to simply acknowledge that it’s happening. Denying that this is an issue will not solve the problem, it will only exacerbate it. Take a deep breath and accept that this is happening; this is where you have to start if you want to confront and rectify it.
Eliminating the words “always” and “never” from your thoughts is a good additional step. In reality, these words are rarely accurate depictions of what’s happening. You don’t “always” make mistakes at work or forget an important task. You may do these things at times, or even quite often in some cases; but when you say “always” all it is doing is creating more negativity—which breeds negative self-talk.
Operating in reality, what you know to be fact, is also an excellent way to assuage your fears and self-doubt, which leads to negative self-talk. Oftentimes, we exaggerate our errors or what we perceive people think of us and we let our imagination run wild with thoughts that are likely untrue. Identify when you are falling into this trap and ask yourself if there’s any factual truth to support your deprecating self-talk. Usually, you will find little or no evidence beyond your negative self-talk running amok.
It’s also important to consider the source of the negative self-talk. Was there a recent event that sparked the flame of negativity? Once you can pinpoint when and what caused these feelings, you can take steps to reconcile them in your mind and confront them.
The final key to this puzzle is to stop expecting perfection from yourself. Even if you are an expert on how to do something, it doesn’t mean you’re impervious to making the occasional error. But once you can remove the need for perfection, you can accept mistakes or even failure. A Japanese proverb captures this sentiment well: “We learn little from victory, much in defeat.” Use this as motivation and a way to counter negative self-talk into positive self-talk of optimism and lessons learned from past mistakes, instead of allowing them to haunt and control you.
Self-talk is a normal part of our thought processes, so don’t attempt to use these steps to eradicate it from your mind. Use it to fuel positive self-talk, replace the negative self-talk, and reap its benefits. Positive self-talk will increase confidence, productivity, and efficiency—use its power to help you achieve your goals!